Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
