I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Randomize
