Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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