...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
