hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
