I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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