I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
