There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
