I'm lost and stupid without you.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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