Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
