so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize