My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
