next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
