She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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