u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
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