Non-Jews are for practice
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
