i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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