alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
