Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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