evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
