after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
