at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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