White coat. Heels.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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