They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
