I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
