I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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