New low: just hacked my moms facebook
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
