I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my shit smells like andre
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize