my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
