My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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