Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
