chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
