i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
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Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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