I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
