I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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