I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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