Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
