what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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