cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize