hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just threw up on my dentist
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
