i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
