NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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