I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
