I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
