i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
