I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
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