what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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