the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
