Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
i think my cat just said my name.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
