tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
