Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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