Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
