i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
