I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
