I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
