he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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