you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
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I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
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It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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