I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
