Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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