Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
