8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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