just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
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