my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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