Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
