Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
