Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
BRING THE BAGELS
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
