My hand turned me down
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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