hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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