six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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