Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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