i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
