I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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