Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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