yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
