i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
