Whod you bang
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
