Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
