I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
